Heartbreak
by Txrangers36
Summary: Can Kensi and Deeks finally take the next step or will something keep getting in the way? Written in two parts.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, I hope you are all still surviving the summer hiatus. I had an idea in my head so I figured writing a little would help keep me occupied. I'm planning on a part two to this if you guys like it so please leave a review and let me know. Enjoy!**

He silently flipped through the channels on his television screen, minutely aware of each new scene playing out on the monitor in front of him. It didn't really matter, though; late night television wasn't his thing, anyway.

He lay sprawled out on his tan suede couch, back flat against the bottom cushions and limbs spread every which way. He remained this way all evening, the dying circulation in the arm behind his head not nearly enough to force him to move even an inch.

His mind was so far off by now, nothing in the present could drag him back; not the dull ache of stiff muscles as they remained in one spot for far too long, nor the flashing lights on the television that offered him not nearly as much comfort as he thought it would. Even the scruffy mutt curled into a ball on the floor, letting out a small whine every so often as he looked worriedly up to his owner, couldn't tear the man away from the thoughts consuming his mind.

Marty Deeks wasn't usually the kind of guy to let something bring him down for too long. Even in the direst of situations, he could find the good in almost anything. And even though he hated himself for it right about now, he supposed he was going to have to do just that.

They weren't all terrible—these thoughts of his. At least, they didn't start off that way.

One minute it was the sweet sound of laughter, blissful and utterly carefree, a smile more brilliant than any star in a cloudless sky, the scent of chocolate on soft, rosy lips, dark brown hair softer and silkier than anything he had ever felt before in his life…and the next it was loneliness, disappointment, and nothing but pure, bitter hatred.

Not hatred towards _her_, necessarily, but more toward the situation. It was more about the fact that he had done all of this to himself; he had made himself completely vulnerable, opening himself up to something he hadn't allowed in _years_.

And he had paid the price in full.

* * *

_It was getting late. Their current case dealing with drugs being smuggled across the border was going nowhere fast, when finally, mercifully, Hetty had called it a day._

_Kensi was finishing up some last-minute paperwork before heading out when Deeks quietly approached her desk. _

_Without needing so much as a glance upward to know exactly who it was that now casted a dark shadow over her work, Kensi spoke quickly, before he could interrupt her train of thought. "Give me a minute, Deeks. I've got to finish this."_

_Surprisingly, Deeks obliged. Without a word, he waited patiently until Kensi stacked the small pile of papers and moved them to the side of her desk. She shuffled around a few more things just to see if it might make him squirm._

_Surprised and suddenly suspicious of his calm behavior, Kensi furrowed her brow as she finally looked up at him. "So…can I help you?" she asked cautiously as he simply smiled back at her._

_"__As a matter of fact, you can" he replied easily, ignoring the edge of impatience in her tone, just like he always did. "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight."_

_Kensi blinked, slightly taken aback. They hung out together often, that was for certain, especially after the more tiring days at work where they wanted nothing more than to sit back and relax on one or the other's well-worn couch. But that wasn't what had taken Kensi by surprise. It was the simple fact that he had asked her to ahead of time—it was typically much more spontaneous than that. _

_Truth be told, that was one (of the many) things Kensi liked about it. One minute she would be heading toward Deeks' place to drop him off and the next she would pass by the exit completely, rerouting the course for her apartment without so much as asking his permission. That was just the way they worked, and it worked well. No need for premeditation._

_She continued to eye him with curiosity before responding, waiting for him to falter and admit his reasoning for the sudden change of course. When he didn't even flinch, she looked away and pursed her lips together, as if truly contemplating whether or not she might already have plans._

_Deeks continued to wait patiently for her response, although internally, he was anything but. He silently cursed himself for thinking she wouldn't notice if he had requested to make plans ahead of time. The whole point was to make this seem as casual and lighthearted as possible. _

_She wasn't supposed to get any sort of impression that he was asking her on a real, genuine, no holds barred date. _

_He didn't want her to know, because that's exactly what it was._

_Deeks knew it was probably one of the stupidest things he would ever do in his life, so he tried to talk it down to himself as much as he could. He tried to convince himself that maybe it wasn't actually such a big deal, that all he wanted was to go out for a nice meal with his partner—after all, he _did _owe her dinner after losing that shooting contest to her a few weeks back. _

_And this was the tiny thread of reason he held onto, the only thing keeping him from chickening out completely. _

_Deep down, though, in the back of his mind and buried in the very depths of his heart, he couldn't deny it for what it was, and what he so desperately wanted it to be._

_Yes, he was asking her on a date._

_Deeks figured it would be easier this way. Pretend like it wasn't a big deal, and then maybe he could slowly, oh so very slowly, ease her into it. Make her realize that one day, however far into the future it may be, attempting something deeper than the relationship they had now may not actually be such a bad idea._

_In the thirty years plus of Marty Deeks' life that he had spent bouncing back from one heartbreak after the next, whether it be from a girlfriend or his disaster of an upbringing, it had taken only three to realize that she was the one thing in his life that remained constant. And certainly, attempting to take the next step scared him—terrified him to no end, to say the least—but he knew he couldn't continue on forever with the way things were now._

_And no, he wasn't about to completely spill his guts to her, either. Not just yet, not tonight. All he wanted was to know that she truly enjoyed spending time with him, was happy to be in his company, and maybe someday would want to do something like this again. _

_Someday very, very soon, he hoped. _

_Deeks tried desperately to keep his cool as he waited, but his partner, incredible yet sometimes infuriating, left him hanging on edge until he couldn't hardly stand it._

_Finally, she replied with an almost indifferent response. "Uh, sure I guess. Movie at my place?" she said as she bent down to grab her bag._

_With Kensi's gaze being drawn away from Deeks for just a few short seconds, she didn't take notice of the slight shift of his body and his sudden inability to keep eye contact._

_"__Actually, I was, uh, thinking maybe dinner or something instead."_

_She looked back up at him then, and he prayed to God that the hammering of his heart threatening to rip from his chest wasn't such a dead giveaway._

_He thought for sure she was about to turn him down, to laugh in his face and admonish him for having such a stupid idea while making him feel like a total idiot for thinking it was really a good one. _

_But she didn't._

_After a moment, her lips curved upward into a genuine, truly appreciative smile, and she nodded at him in response._

_"__I thought you'd forgotten our bet" she said after a moment, her smile quickly turning into a smirk full of amusement and triumph._

_Seeing her reaction, Deeks felt the weight of a million boulders being lifted off his back. He breathed a deep sigh of relief, and forced himself to sneer playfully back at her in return._

_"__Of course not, Princess. I would never."_

_She rolled her eyes at the old nickname as she followed him out into the parking lot._

_They had taken different cars to work that morning so they agreed to head to their respective apartments. Then he would text her the address of the restaurant, they would meet up there later, and it would be as simple as that._

_They said their goodbyes and were off for the time being._

_"__Just a nice dinner together. Totally not a big deal" Deeks repeated to himself for the hundredth time as he drove home._

* * *

_He waited an hour at the restaurant until the manager finally asked him to give up his table. _

_Deeks simply nodded in understanding and stood to leave._

_He took one last look at the unused dinner plates in front of him, the shiny silver utensils untarnished from the lack of food being ordered and then served. The basket of bread in the middle of the table went untouched as well. _

_He glanced at the brightly colored carnations he had purchased from the small boutique on the street corner before entering the restaurant. He had let the waiter place them in a small vase on the table, the beautiful shades of pink and orange not nearly matching the brilliance in his own eager eyes. _

_He waited and waited, but she had never showed._

_By now, the petals were already wilting, the tiny, dying leaves reflecting his own vanishing hope, his own deteriorating strength. _

_It had crossed his mind, of course, that something may actually be wrong. Her car could be in a ditch somewhere on the side of the road, her broken body lying helplessly trapped beneath the twisted metal. The thought nearly made him panic, but he quickly forced it away._

_No, Kensi Blye would never let something like that happen—not to herself, and especially not to her car._

_Nonetheless, he tried her phone several times just to see if she might pick up. His phone battery was quickly dying, though, so he had to stop, hoping that she would call him soon with some sort of explanation as to what was going on. _

_But she never called, and she never showed up._

_After leaving the restaurant he waited another hour on a park bench directly across the street._

_"__Just in case" he had told himself. _

_He had a nice chat with an elderly man tossing pieces of bread to the birds, and then later a young couple who he found out had just recently become engaged._

_Finally, as it was nearing 11 p.m. and everything surrounding him seemed to be shutting down for the night, he took one last hopeful look at his phone before the battery died completely, then headed for home._

* * *

Deeks still remained on the couch, unmoving, hardly even flinching.

At least he could say he was more comfortable now, clad only in his boxers and a white undershirt while the navy blue blazer, dress shirt, and pants he had worn for the occasion lay discarded in a sloppy pile on the floor.

Changing channels for the last time before switching off the television, he finally forced himself to move just the slightest bit, sighing and rolling over on his stomach.

Not for the first time tonight, he wondered if this was what true heartbreak felt like.

He absolutely despised this feeling, like he was nothing more than a pathetic moron—one that never even stood a chance in the first place.

Reflecting on what his expectations for the night had been, maybe he really was hoping for too much. Maybe what he was trying to do was more obvious to Kensi than he initially thought. In return, she must have sensed it, panicked, and simply decided not to come.

But would she really blow him off without so much as a simple phone call?

_Surely not_, was Deeks' initial response.

They were partners and friends, and despite Kensi's near daily threats to leave him hanging in the cold if he wouldn't stop annoying her, he knew she would never actually follow through. They had proven to each other just how deep their trust ran, so there was really no reason to believe that she would hurt him on purpose.

It still did nothing to lessen the pain, though.

Deeks felt like he could blow up in a murderous rage, then scream in Kensi's face at the top of his lungs for everything she had put him through tonight. Anything to make her sorry for what she had done.

Right now, though, he wanted nothing more than to just forget.

**If any of you guys were reading my other fic ****_What's in the Box_**** I want to apologize for putting it on hold. My laptop crashed and then I was out of the country for six weeks, so it was obviously impossible to do anything. If you enjoyed it though and want me to continue please let me know and I will try and work on it again. I hope you enjoyed this fic, and please don't be too mad at Kensi because her side of the story will come!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I can't believe how long it's been since I posted the first part of this story. I know I've been busy with a lot of various things and with college starting back up again, but there is really no excuse for taking this long. So for that, I must apologize. I hope you do enjoy this second and final part, though, and I will include a small excerpt from the last chapter just as a refresher.**

**Oh and if there was any confusion about the timing of the story, it is taking place just after 4x8, if you didn't notice the reference Kensi made to Deeks about him owing her dinner in the first chapter.**

* * *

_But would she really blow him off without so much as a simple phone call?_

_Surely not, was Deeks' initial response._

_They were partners and friends, and despite Kensi's near daily threats to leave him hanging in the cold if he wouldn't stop annoying her, he knew she would never actually follow through._ _They had proven to each other just how deep their trust ran, so there was really no reason to believe that she would hurt him on purpose._

_It still did nothing to lessen the pain, though._

_Deeks felt like he could blow up in a murderous rage, then scream in Kensi's face at the top of his lungs for everything she had put him through tonight. Anything to make her sorry for what she had done._

_Right now, though, he wanted nothing more than to just forget._

* * *

Not once in Kensi Blye's life had she felt so conflicted.

On the one hand, she knew something was there from the beginning, lurking beneath the surface. She had known it for a long time, really, if she was being completely honest with herself.

From the moment she stepped into that MMA gym three years before, without realization everything in her life changed in an instant.

Ever since Marty Deeks entered the picture, somehow she had become a new woman. Suddenly, things that had once seemed so important became utterly meaningless; everything she ever thought she wanted held about as much importance as the pile of junk she left hidden underneath her bed.

It was a painful, agonizingly slow process; that was for sure. And she was still a work in progress; there was no doubt about that. But somehow, and by no small miracle, Kensi was beginning to realize just how much of an impact Deeks truly had over her.

The idea of realizing love would have been thrilling to most people, but of course Kensi had never been one to go with the norm. Just the simple thought of it made her squirm in unease.

She would die before admitting it, but on more than one occasion she had considered calling in sick to work simply out of the terrifying reactions her body felt upon seeing his smiling face as she entered into the bullpen each morning.

This feeling…well, it wasn't totally unfamiliar. It was something once welcomed and appreciated, in fact. But that had only ended in disaster, much like everything else in her life, and Kensi was bound and determined to never let it happen again.

She had seen the look in the detective's eyes. His fading mask of veiled emotions had failed to conceal the lingering hope held there. It was a look that could've been easily ignored by the female agent, but somehow she knew that this wasn't going to be just a simple dinner between friends.

And that was exactly why she couldn't go through with it.

Kensi tried to, though; she really did.

Her favorite black dress was pulled on over long, slim curves, her hair and makeup accentuating every exquisitely beautiful feature. Black clutch in hand and heels finally on her feet, she headed for her front door to leave for the restaurant.

But she just couldn't do it.

The anticipation of unknown possibilities to come, the thousands of conflicting feelings in her chest struggling for dominance…it was just too much to handle.

If she went through with this…this _date_, nothing could ever be the same between them. Maybe it was a good thing, maybe bad. The simple prospect of the latter, though, was enough to make her retreat like a tortoise back into its shell.

So she sat.

She fell right back down onto her cluttered couch and there she stayed for the next four hours, flipping on the television and locking her gaze on the most flaccid, emotionless channel she could find.

Everything but the TV went ignored, even the repeated vibrations of her phone that lay on the coffee table in front of her. She hated herself for being such a coward, and no doubt would she pay a thousand times over for breaking her promise to her partner.

Surely he would understand, though. Wouldn't he? She was only trying to protect him—protect _them. _It was for the good of their partnership, and their partnership alone.

When she saw him at work the next morning, Kensi could tell him something had come up, such as her mother showing up for an unexpected visit. Or an ex-boyfriend, maybe. She could even tell him she had car trouble on her way to the restaurant. Anything, really, would work.

Of course she hated lying to her partner, and would he even believe her if she did? Definitely not; he could read through her lies like an open book. But she had to provide some sort of explanation for her absence, and really, anything at all was better than the actual truth.

_For the good of the partnership._

The sudden, impatient knock at the door was the only thing to bring her out of her spell, causing her to jump from her current position and nearly knock an old beer bottle off the coffee table in surprise.

She quickly made her way to the door and stared into the small peephole. There was no question as to who would be on the other side—it was two in the morning now, after all—but it still made her heart stop nonetheless.

Apparently she would have to answer to him sooner than she thought.

Kensi opened the door with a shaky hand and offered him a small, guilty smile.

"Deeks, what are you doing here so late? You get lost on the way home?" she attempted to joke, but there was absolutely no confidence in her voice and she knew he could sense it.

He did nothing, though. Not at first. He just stood there in her doorframe, his entire body rigid and his expression stone cold.

No casual greeting, no charming smile.

"You owe me an explanation."

His words were a mere whisper as they left his lips, but they burned into her skin like a roaring fire.

There was no room for argument; no way was she going to talk her way—or in Kensi's case, ignore her way—out of this one.

She nodded slightly, unable to meet his icy gaze. "I know."

He stepped inside without invitation, and suddenly, he was mere inches away from her face.

Kensi's next breath hitched in her throat as she stood powerless under him.

What few emotions Deeks was able to keep hidden over the last few years now displayed themselves fully as he stared down at her. His bloodshot eyes were an endless sea of sadness, anger, and regret, all wrapped into one. There was one emotion, though, that trumped all the others, and Kensi felt her heart shattering to the floor as she recognized exactly what it was: _anguish_.

Apparently she had broken him a lot more than she would have thought.

Everything they had worked toward for the last three years—every ounce of trust gained, in and out of the field, every shared secret, ones that no one else in the world knew, now meant nothing as he conveyed with one simple look the depth of hurt she had caused him.

Did she really just ruin everything they had together, all in only one night?

Kensi opened her mouth but words would not come. She cleared her throat and tried again, but to no avail. His eyes were so distraught and so full of this emotion she wasn't used to seeing that she couldn't have come up with anything coherent if she had tried, and his next single word left the pieces of her already broken heart to turn to dust.

"_Why_?"

She couldn't even bear to look at him anymore and so she turned to head for the couch, but his hands coming to rest on her shoulders held her firmly in place. She desperately tried not to shiver as her body turned to nothing more than putty in his hands.

"Just tell me now, Kens, and I swear I'll never bother you again. I just have to know why. I mean, is it really so bad that I want us to spend a little time together outside of work? Can we not be friends just because we're partners? Or is it something else?"

He looked away from her then, already regretting his next words before they slipped from his mouth. Kensi felt the moisture in her eyes starting to form, and she fought to keep it down.

"Do you…do you _hate_ me?"

Her features changed momentarily as she stared up at him in shock.

"No… _no_!" she stammered, too stunned to say anything else.

But the pain in his eyes never wavered, and one doubtful look told her he didn't believe it in the slightest. All too soon his hands left her shoulders and he turned away, stepping around her without a sound and making his way into the kitchen.

She hesitated for only a moment before following right on his heels, determination suddenly clear in her voice.

"Deeks, stop." She reached for his wrist and he froze immediately, but didn't turn around. "Deeks, listen to me. You say a lot of stupid things, but that's probably one of the worst I've ever heard. You _know_ I would never hate you."

He spoke even more quietly than before, if possible. "Well, it's pretty clear that you at least don't like me, so what's the difference?"

"But I _do_ like you, Deeks. I—I…"

Words failed her once more as the truth held itself just on the tip of her tongue.

She sighed and looked down to their connecting hands before slowly letting her fingers slip away. "I like you."

"Really?" The slightest twinge of hope layered his still doubtful voice as he turned to meet her gaze.

"Are you kidding me, Deeks? You think you would still be my partner after three years if I didn't? You'd probably be in a hole in the ground right next to D—"

Oh, God. _Dom_.

Her breath caught in her throat and suddenly she struggled to keep down the strained gasps threatening to break free from her chest. Suddenly this new wave of hurt, layered with all the current drama of the evening, left her nearly doubled over in pain. She grasped the edge of her kitchen counter as she struggled to regain composure.

He was with her in an instant, his own needs forgotten as he rested a soothing hand on her back.

"Kens?" he whispered. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm good" she spoke quickly, nodding it off with a wave of her hand. "Still just takes me by surprise sometimes, I guess." She blinked away the tears forming at the corner of each eye, but a stray one slipped out before she had the chance to stop it.

He watched it for a moment, and then surprised them both by lifting a hand to her face to tenderly wipe it away with his thumb.

She visibly trembled under his touch, unable and unwilling to hold it back. Their gazes locked, and the next phrase to come from Deeks' mouth somehow held so much more meaning than when Kensi uttered it only moments before.

"I like you, too, Kens."

His other hand slowly came up to her other cheek, and he brushed away an invisible strand of hair behind her ear. She held her breath as he inched closer, unsure of how to react.

Heart hammering in her chest, Kensi lifted her own arms to his neck, allowing this one moment of bliss to cascade over her undoubtedly for the very first time in her entire life.

"Stop pushing me away, Kens" he whispered.

She nodded, her eyes never leaving his until they were forced shut by the sheer power of emotion that washed over her as his lips softly connected with hers.

The kiss lasted for only a moment but the feeling of euphoria much longer, both pairs of lips turning upward into shy smiles as they reveled in the acknowledgment of what just happened between them.

Neither spoke for a few long moments until Deeks came to rest his head tenderly against Kensi's.

"Kensi Blye, will you go on a date with me?"

She couldn't contain her smile as his lips brushed against hers once more.

"I would love to."

**Hope you all enjoyed it and please leave a review to let me know what you think! And also if you have any story ideas feel free to send them my way! By now you know I am a slow updater but I promise to try my best. Anyway, catch ya later!**


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